Psychologist Amalia Indah Permata states that middle children are at higher risk of feeling neglected compared to eldest and youngest siblings due to their position in the family structure. This is explained through Alfred Adler's birth order theory, which highlights the potential for lower self-esteem and happiness in middle children. The discussion gained attention following the family murder case in Warakas, North Jakarta.
REPUBLIKA.CO.ID, JAKARTA -- Clinical Psychologist Amalia Indah Permata from Dinamis Biro Psikologi states that middle children have a higher risk of feeling treated differently compared to eldest and youngest siblings. "Middle children are at risk of feeling treated differently from their older and younger siblings. The older and younger seem to have clearer roles, as the eldest and youngest, compared to themselves, so they feel both are more attended to by parents," she said.
According to Alfred Adler's birth order theory, middle children tend to feel neglected and not special, which can lower their self-esteem. Research shows that middle children's levels of happiness and self-esteem are lower, and they often feel less close to the family, prompting them to seek identity outside the home. However, Amalia emphasizes that birth order is not the sole factor; parenting styles, parents' psychological conditions, gender, age gaps, and cultural and family backgrounds also play roles. "The influence of birth order is not always consistent because many other factors are involved, such as parenting styles, parents' psychological conditions, gender, age gaps, and cultural and family backgrounds," she stated.
This discussion arose following the family murder case in Warakas, North Jakarta, where the perpetrator was allegedly a middle child who felt unfairly treated. On social media, many netizens shared similar experiences of feeling ignored.
To prevent favoritism, Amalia advises parents to apply balanced love and control according to each child's needs. "Regardless of the number of children, parents need to have balanced control and affection for each child. Fair and wise does not mean all treatments must be the same, but according to the child's condition and needs," she said. Recommendations include providing special time of at least 15 minutes per day per child, building warm communication, validating emotions like jealousy, and consistently applying rules while showing love to each child. "Validate the emotions the child feels. In families with more than two children, jealousy can arise due to differing needs. First acknowledge the child's feelings, then provide understanding when the child is calmer," she added.
