A man in his 30s worries that never having lived alone, while residing with his parents, is hindering his marriage prospects. An expert advises that this is not the primary reason, emphasizing emotional independence instead. The key lies in the relationship with parents, not solo living experience.
A consultation from O, a male company employee in his 30s living in Tokyo, reveals his concern that lacking experience living independently, while still residing with his parents, may be impeding his marriage chances. Some past girlfriends ended relationships upon learning he had never lived alone or still lived at home, viewing him as not independent. He pays his parents a portion of his monthly salary, handles chores like cooking and cleaning, and sees himself as financially and emotionally self-reliant. However, he has a curfew, enjoys a good relationship with his parents, and their home is close to his workplace, making it hard to justify moving out solely for marriage preparation.
University professor Masahiro Yamada responds that never living alone is not the core reason for his marital struggles. Surveys indicate over 60% of single men in their 30s live with parents in Japan, a common norm. Women prioritize financial stability in a partner, followed by the spouse's dynamic with in-laws. While O claims independence in expenses and chores, the real issue is emotional detachment from parents. A curfew for a man over 30 signals dependency, deterring women. Even unspoken, his close parental ties and potential prioritization of their views—such as seeking permission to live alone—likely show through in his behavior.
Yamada suggests O break the curfew by staying out overnight without notice to gauge his parents' reaction, then rebuild the relationship. This step, he argues, will test and foster true independence, paving the way for marriage. The exchange highlights tensions between Japan's multigenerational living traditions and modern marriage expectations.