Sexual predators often follow a calculated process to target and groom children, as revealed in a South African survivor's account. Annemarie Gillmer shares how she was manipulated from age 13 by an older riding coach, highlighting tactics that isolated her and eroded her boundaries. Her experience underscores the need for awareness to protect children from such abuse.
In South Africa, sexual abuse affects 33.9% of girls and 36.8% of boys, with many cases unreported due to grooming tactics employed by predators. Research from the Karolinska Institute shows that paedophiles targeting girls average 25 victims over a lifetime, while those targeting boys exceed 200.
Annemarie Gillmer's story illustrates this pattern. Starting horse riding at age 11, she faced setbacks when her horse was injured the next year. Her friend's father, Oom Hendrie, a former Springbok endurance rider 30 years her senior, offered to coach her from age 13. He spent hours training her alone, befriended her parents with regular meetings and braais, and even collected her from school to accommodate her potential in the sport.
Hendrie gradually crossed boundaries, confiding adult troubles like marital issues, using touch to 'correct' her riding posture—resting hands on her legs, back, and bottom, sometimes brushing her breasts—and offering her beer after sessions. Flattered, Annemarie nursed his paralyzed horse and received gifts, including a CD with the song 'You’re My Best Friend' and a note saying she really was his best friend. He bought her a new saddle, gear, and a foal, making her feel uniquely valued.
The escalation came a month before her 15th birthday with their first kiss. He gave her another CD with 'We Are One in a Million,' emphasizing their elite bond. At 15, he arranged a 'romantic weekend' at a farm, where they shared a bed and engaged in intimate acts short of penetrative sex. He promised marriage after she turned 16, insisting they keep it secret.
During a national endurance riding event after her 16th birthday, with her horse sidelined, Hendrie convinced her parents she should join his support team. Alone in a caravan, he raped her for the first time, later commemorating it with an engraved belt buckle. Subsequent rapes occurred in his vehicle after rides; she hid her discomfort to please him.
When Annemarie sought a break from the physical aspect, Hendrie reacted aggressively, yelling and threatening to ruin her riding career. After earning provincial colours at nationals, she returned his horse and ended contact, facing years of depression, self-harm, and suicide attempts. A university friend's perspective helped her recognize the grooming and rape.
Confronting Hendrie years later, he dismissed her claims. She learned he quickly groomed another 13-year-old girl with similar tactics, though her parents intervened. Hendrie's death prevented further accountability, leaving Annemarie, now 43, to share her story for child safety. As one convicted paedophile told Oprah Winfrey in 2010, 'I killed who she could have been, I murdered a person.'
