Relationship experts say that while open communication is key, not every secret should be shared immediately in a new relationship. Keeping certain things private can protect trust and stability. This approach may prevent jealousy, anger, and relationship breakdowns.
In romantic relationships, cooperation and open communication are essential, but not everything you know about your partner or your life should be shared right away. Many believe all truths must be revealed at the start of a romantic relationship, but experts say that keeping certain things hidden or unsaid can protect trust, values, and relationship stability.
According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, constantly criticizing your partner weakens the foundations of trust and love in your relationship. “Secondly, revealing privacy about past lovers is risky because it can stir up jealousy or feelings of insecurity. A relationship needs feelings of mutual trust, and opening up about past romantic history without reason can damage those foundations,” says Gottman. This expert notes that dwelling on past emotional histories can make your partner feel threatened or unable to trust you. “Bury past relationships in the grave of forgetfulness if you want to protect your marriage or new relationship,” says Gottman.
Furthermore, secrets that could jeopardize the relationship, such as hidden debts, financial mistakes, or behaviors that break trust, should be handled carefully. “Revealing these things without order or hiding them completely can cause anger, misunderstanding, loss of trust, or even relationship breakdown,” says Gottman.
Gossip about friends or family is another dangerous poison to a relationship. According to Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, disclosing private matters to others reduces your partner's respect for your relationship. Also, personal fears or weaknesses should be addressed with care. “Your partner may not understand your heavy feelings right away, and telling everything at once can create an emotional mix-up. Gradual awareness of your partner's weaknesses increases true trust and love,” says Terri.
Big plans or life decisions like moving, quitting a job, or major changes without consulting your partner can create tension. Inflammatory complaints like saying “my friend's partner is better than you” can foster feelings of belittlement and resentment. “It is important to understand things that can harm your relationship or your partner's trust and to know the right way and time to share them. Bringing them up when the relationship is strong and both of you are ready for open conversations is best to protect love, trust, and respect between partners,” says Terri.