A nurse in her 40s was shocked to learn her live-in partner, with whom she planned to marry, had secretly opened a takeaway restaurant for a year, leading to her first diagnosis of adjustment disorder. Struggling with feelings of betrayal, she seeks advice on interpreting his behavior. A psychiatrist recommends open discussion to strengthen their relationship.
Ms. S, a nurse in her 40s from Saitama Prefecture, divorced over 20 years ago and single-handedly raised her daughter to adulthood. For the past five years, she has lived with a man she hoped to marry, often discussing plans to start something new together. When he quit his job after 35 years, she looked forward to their shared future.
One day, however, he renovated a shed borrowed from an acquaintance and, with some DIY work, transformed it into a takeaway restaurant—despite having no prior experience. People around him had known about the plan for a year, but he never told her. This betrayal deeply hurt Ms. S, leading to her first diagnosis of adjustment disorder. She writes, "I feel I have no choice but to accept the reality, but I'm still struggling with my emotions and how to get through each day. How should I interpret his behavior?"
Psychiatrist Yutaka Ono responds, "It must have come as a deep shock to find out the person you are living with and planning to marry had been secretly preparing to open a takeaway restaurant. It is understandable to feel betrayed." Noting that the restaurant appears to be doing well despite his inexperience, Ono suggests, "Perhaps you felt ignored while he just decided on his own future path, which you were supposed to be building together." He advises sitting down to discuss why he kept it secret—possibly because he didn't consider her feelings, or didn't want to interfere with her work, or for other reasons. "Your feeling of betrayal is valid, but at the same time, this experience will not be wasted if you both can use it to open up to each other about what led to this situation and how you can stay together into the future."
This incident tests their trust but could become an opportunity to communicate more openly and build a stronger partnership.
