Albi Roebke, an experienced emergency counselor, stresses that comfort is often impossible in cases of severe loss. He advises honesty and presence toward the bereaved instead. Many feel helpless and avoid contact out of fear of making mistakes.
Albi Roebke has worked as an emergency counselor for 25 years, supporting people in disaster situations. In an interview with ZEIT, he discusses the challenges of grieving. He explains that real comfort is sometimes simply not possible. "The best way not to comfort at all. The affected can only do that themselves. In certain situations, there is no comfort either. If a child dies in an accident, it's a hopeless situation at first," says Roebke.
Many people feel powerless when someone in their circle is grieving and don't know how to act. Roebke recommends being honest: "One should definitely be honest and then also say: I don't know what to say." He warns against avoiding the bereaved out of fear of saying something wrong. Such avoidance is worse than an inappropriate comment. The grieving sense good intentions, even if words come across awkwardly. "People in a crisis have fine antennas. Even if you say something funny, most get that the intention behind it is good."
Roebke himself has experienced a severe loss, which shapes his work. His views are based on years of experience in psychology and trauma processing. The focus is on authentic accompaniment rather than quick fixes.