People often worry that cancelling social plans will upset others, but a new study shows those on the receiving end are more forgiving than expected. Researchers found a significant gap between how cancellers predict reactions and how recipients actually feel. The findings suggest less stress over cancellations could lead to more social engagements.
A team of psychologists has uncovered a common misperception about social etiquette: individuals tend to overestimate how negatively others will react to cancelled plans. Led by Esra Aslan from the Norwegian School of Economics in Bergen, the research involved around 400 US adults with an average age of 42. Participants evaluated scenarios where one person in a pair of best friends had to bail on a dinner due to an urgent work matter, leaving the other to dine alone.
In the experiment, those imagining themselves as the one cancelling predicted the recipient would rate the action as only moderately acceptable, scoring it 4.96 on a seven-point scale from completely unacceptable to mostly acceptable. However, when participants put themselves in the recipient's position, they rated the same cancellation much higher at 6.22. This "perception gap" held steady across different relationships, such as with neighbors or colleagues, and various activities like attending a concert instead of a meal. It even persisted with less specific excuses, such as needing to catch up on a work project.
"It suggests people shouldn’t get so stressed about cancelling," Aslan noted, drawing from her own experience where a colleague deemed last-minute changes unacceptable, while another researcher, Raj, proposed studying it. Rajarshi Majumder from GEM Alpine Business School in France added, "We didn’t find much difference if you cancel a dinner plan with your neighbour or with your best friend or with your work colleague."
The researchers speculate that easing anxieties around cancellations might encourage more initial planning, boosting social lives. Still, cultural differences matter; in parts of Asia, such actions may face stricter judgment. Aslan emphasized politeness: "If people reschedule things and make a small gesture [of goodwill] beforehand, I think it will keep the relationships strong."
The study, available on PsyArXiv (DOI: 10.31234/osf.io/st6a5_v1), highlights how self-imposed guilt can hinder connections, urging a more lenient view on flexibility.