A study reveals that the average person keeps nine types of secrets, which often intrude on their thoughts and cause emotional distress. Researchers from the University of Melbourne explored how these secrets affect well-being and suggest strategies for coping when sharing is not possible. The findings highlight the psychological toll of secret-keeping, particularly for those in sensitive roles like intelligence operatives.
Val Bianchi at the University of Melbourne in Australia has investigated the psychological burden of secret-keeping, with her latest work funded by the Australian Office of National Intelligence. This research focuses on how individuals, including those handling national security information, manage the weight of undisclosed matters.
In a survey of 240 online participants, respondents reported holding secrets from 38 categories, such as lying, cheating on a partner, stealing, addictions, or self-harming. On average, they kept nine types, with the most common including having told a lie (78 percent), feeling unhappy about a personal physical aspect (71 percent), finances (70 percent), romantic desires (63 percent), and sexual behaviors (57 percent). Participants identified their most important secret as negative, and over two weeks of daily diaries, their thoughts about it often shifted to worries or concerns.
Bianchi notes that important secrets intrude roughly once every two hours, especially during low-attention activities. "You might think about secrets when you’re showering, when you’re doing your dishes or when you’re heading to work," she says. "Having these thoughts pop into your mind when you don’t necessarily want them to is often unpleasant, and people seem to get caught in vicious cycles."
Lisa Williams at the University of New South Wales, who was not involved, comments on the fascination with secret-keepers: "This is why so many people are fascinated with CIA agents – how do they maintain these big secrets and leave them behind when they have to put back on the skin of their normal life?"
Secret-keeping likely evolved to support social harmony by protecting individuals from harm, embarrassment, or loss of standing, such as remaining silent about a colleague's workplace investigation to safeguard their reputation. For relief, confessing to empathetic listeners uninvolved in the secret, like therapists or priests, can help. When disclosure is impossible, discussing the emotional impact without details, using distraction, or reframing the secret positively may ease the burden. Williams suggests established emotional-regulation techniques, while James Pennebaker at the University of Texas at Austin advocates private writing about feelings, based on evidence that expressing upheavals reduces health issues.
The study is available on PsyArXiv with DOI: 10.31234/osf.io/7u2rm_v1.